I AM a loser....Maybe... :(

I dunno why i felt so miserable today.....i currently lose hope and felt like my world turn upside down...... why?? What's wrong?? I keep asking those question... I eat Less and Less each day! Aneroxia nervousa perhaps! hahahaa.... Joking... But that might be good coz i can lose weight! i'm 49 now n i want 40 kg! hahahahaa..... :D I laugh but my heart is not happy at all.... I Miss my frenz but i dont know whether they miss me or not.... god,give me strength! I'm not a good lover though.... i hurt many people! Trust Me MANY ok.... I'm so sinful.... So sorry! I Have frenz but i betrayed them, i have people who love me but i let them down, i love my family but i keep hurting them!! I'am ashame with myself.... sometimes i felt like i want to kill myself but who am i to take away my own life!hahaha...i have my own dignity ok? But yet the best part in my life is by having a frenz to share my feeling.......My frenz = My life.... Hahahaa.... Chentaku!:P